Taking Care of Your Marriage while Parenting

My husband and I are in this weird time in our lives in which our children are emerging as young adults.  We have one daughter who is in college but comes home fairly often.  The initial separation of dropping her off at campus had me in tears even though her school is a mere hour away from home.  Now, our youngest daughter, who is a senior in high school, is making plans to go off to college in the fall.  I want to believe I will be more emotionally prepared for her drop-off.  Fingers crossed! 

With that being said, we realize our life at home will look very different soon enough from what it has been the last 20-some years.  I have mixed feelings about this.  To some degree, there is sadness because there is an unspoken understanding that our family life is going to change, and I love the parent-child relationships we’ve developed.  On the other hand, my relationship with my husband will evolve once again, and I find that exciting.  I see many travel excursions in our future!  And then there’s the uncertainty of what our future holds.  What will it look like?  How will we grow?  What new challenges will we face?

But one thing that brings me comfort is knowing that my partner-in-life is in this with me.  I’m not alone. 

It is so easy to get swept up in the role as a parent when you first have kids.  We believe that being good parents means devoting all our focus on our little ones.  But the problem is, we forget we have a spouse or partner who also deserves our love and attention.  And if we are not careful, we may drift too far from our partner.  I think it is so important to nurture our couple relationship while alongside raising kids.  This not only ensures you and your partner remain connected but also helps your kids see what healthy relationships look like.   

So here are some ways to keep the connection as you navigate parenthood.

1.  Be on the same page about discipline.  If you have differing views that’s okay; just make sure to listen to each other and compromise as much as possible without involving the kids in conflict.   Remember that each of you will form unique relationships with your children.  The relationship between mom and child can look different from the one dad has with child. 

2. Continue dating each other.  Yes, kids make it challenging to have one-on-one time, but it’s not impossible.  And it’s not about fancy dinners and expensive date nights.  What matters most is you give your full attention to your partner like you did before kids.  It’s about QUALITY time!  So put the phones away and have fun with each other.

3.  Talk about your goals as a couple, a family, and as individuals.  Some of these goals you will work on together and others you will offer support to each other to attain them.  But discussing them keeps you aware of each other’s trajectories and keeps you up-to-date with any personal changes that may occur with your partner. 

4.  Share your feelings about your everchanging family dynamic.  It is normal for families to evolve and grow.  I know I felt better when my husband shared that he was experiencing similar thoughts and feelings with our girls growing up.  This allowed us to move toward exploring new ideas on how we will spend all our free time as empty nesters!

Take care of your marriage now because when the kids are gone it is just the two of you!  And it is so nice to know that you still love and admire each other after the parenting is done.  Bravo!

Relationship Work Through Individual Therapy

We tend to think of relationship work as something to be done through couples therapy or marriage counseling.  However, it can also be accomplished through individual therapy.  While I see couples, I see many more individuals who want to work on their relationship with a significant other by means of individual therapy. 

Couples therapy can be very effective, but if both partners are not on the same page about receiving counseling, it can be a real challenge to even get them to their initial appointment.  When this happens, it can prolong the opportunity to begin healing and can keep one partner or both from feeling better.  On average, it can take couples seven years to seek professional help after experiencing difficulties in their relationship.  That’s a long time to struggle on your own!  Or, if the reluctant partner agrees to attend session, he or she may not be as active of a participant as the partner who requested therapy.  This can lead to more frustration.

While it would be ideal to have both partners attend therapy with the same level of commitment, individual therapy can still prove to be worthwhile in making improvements in your marriage or relationship.  By choosing to attend individual sessions, you are able to speak freely without hurting your partner’s feelings.  You can explore your own behaviors and actions without judgment.  You can learn effective communication strategies to help you talk with your partner about your concerns.  You may even discover things about yourself that play out in your relationship. 

So, if you are someone who is looking to improve the quality of your relationship but can’t quite get your partner on board, individual therapy can be a great way to get started.  It is not uncommon to see the reluctant partner express interest after noticing their own partner begin to exhibit positive changes at home.  You don’t have to wait seven years! 

Common Relationship Issues

Common Relationship Issues | Couples Counseling Fort Worth, TX

Nietzsche says, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” 

A lack of friendship doesn’t mean that two people don’t want to be friends. It doesn’t mean they love each other any less. The troubles typically come from identifiable obstacles in a relationship. 

So let’s talk about how you can think about healing matters with a girlfriend or boyfriend, a wife or husband, and even non-romantic relationships you may have. North Texas, Fort Worth, and surrounding areas like Lake Worth, Haltom City, Stop 6, and Burleson are full of men and women like you, who are looking for relationship solutions. 

While you may be doing initial research, consider that couples counseling has been a great asset to these men and women across Fort Worth. Zully Schultz’s counseling offices are located close to wherever you are, in the same building as the famous Ol’ South Pancake House near TCU. 

Frequent Relationship Challenges | Zully M. Schultz Counseling Services

COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN

Do you feel like you and your partner or spouse are speaking different languages? Do you feel like one or both of you refuse to listen when the other so badly needs to be heard?

Communication breakdowns are possibly the most common type of relationship issue. Couples try incredibly hard to bridge the gap in situations like these, but they may find themselves talking more than listening. That’s where a counselor can step in, and dismantle obstacles to good listening. 

You may find that some silence was the key to bridging the gap all along. 

LIFE TRANSITIONS

Has one or both of you lost a job, or experienced a major career change? Maybe you have a big move away from home coming up, or a pregnancy? It could be any number of big life changes. 

The stresses associated with moving, family planning, and salary go to the deepest part of our humanity. The fight or flight reactions associated with intense stress can seep into the other aspects of our lives, and that’s where big life changes can start to affect a couple. 

In counseling, and at home, whether you’re located near West 7th, TCU, or Benbrook, you can take actions to address life transitions too. Separate your work from your home life, if you can. See that your partner isn’t the cause of whatever is bringing the stress. Be an open ear to let your spouse let off steam every once in a while. 

FAMILY INFLUENCE

Everyone has that extended family member they wish they could avoid from time to time. But if there’s someone either in your immediate or larger family, on either side of your relationship, whose presence leads to strife, you may feel the need to address that issue. 

But it’s not easy to talk to your wife about your mother-in-law, or for her to bring up your brother; the list goes on and on. New relationships, families, and marriages are hard, because they involve bringing together two different people, who may have very different families. 

One of the most effective ways that counseling can assist couples is by making sure neither person takes offense, and that the other person can see the positive qualities in the family member they may have originally thought little about. 

AND MORE…

There are numerous other factors when it comes to healing a couple with a lack of friendship. Whether the issue is stonewalling, quality time, distrust, work balance, or something else, there’s no harm in discussing your concerns with a licensed professional, who has the long list of possibilities memorized and at the ready to help you. 

Service for Couples Across DFW | Benbrook, Garland, TCU, and White Settlement

If WebMD was the solution to medical problems, doctors would become irrelevant. But that hasn’t happened. In the same way, why walk blindly through self-help when your time is much better spent with an hour with Zully?

Maybe you were just looking for some solutions for marital strife, and don’t feel the need to consult a professional. If so, that’s good! The more couples whose issues can be handled before they get bad, the better.

But, couples shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help, because counseling is all about the same advice you’re looking for online, but with an expert in the room with you. So many have come through Zully’s practice that finding solutions is built on years of experience. 

If two people are willing to put in work, there’s always a solution to what might have felt like a failed relationship. Texans are no strangers to hard work, so roll up your sleeves!

As the North Texas summers kick off, with returning concerts at Billy Bob’s, baseball games at Rangers Stadium, and football games at AT&T, enjoy the warm days knowing that your home is a happy one. 

Zully Schultz meets with couples in Fort Worth, Lake Worth, Richland Hills, Haltom City, Benbrook, Hurst, Burleson, and Granbury. Her offices are located on University Drive.

Ways to Heal a Relationship

While Texas is on its way back to life as normal, it doesn’t mean we’ll have forgotten what it’s like to live through a pandemic. During the past weeks trapped indoors, or dealing with tough work schedules, you may have noticed flaws in your family relationships, your friends, and especially with your significant other. 

So while the end of lockdown may temporarily mend your relationship, why not commit to a lasting solution, rather than search endlessly for self-help?

Nietzsche says, “It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” 

Just because you may be returning to a schedule filled with work, social activities, and summer trips, doesn’t mean that you won’t someday again deal with future isolation, whether due to illness, weather, or work circumstance. When isolation returns, you and your relationship should be ready. 

Couples counseling can be a great way to heal a marriage or relationship for decades to come, and the current moment in time only emphasizes the need for that assistance. Don’t let matters get brushed under the rug, and take action while the iron is hot. 

How To Heal Relationships | Marriage Counseling, Couples Therapy | Tarrant County

“Counseling” can be a scary word for some couples. Maybe you were just looking for some solutions for marital strife, and don’t think you need to see a professional.  

But, couples shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help, because couples therapy is all about the same advice you’re looking for online. So many relationships and marriages have come through our practice that finding solutions is built on years of experience. 

If WebMD fixed every medical issue, the world would be visiting that site instead of the doctor’s office. But we still see doctors, because they’re much better at pinpointing problems. In the same way, coming into our office is a better solution than Googling self-help options. 

If two people are willing to put in work, there’s always a solution to what might have felt like a failed relationship.

Within just one hour, you’ll both be surprised by the good work you’re able to accomplish. Whether it’s a communication breakdown, family conflict, or financial hardships, marriage counselors have seen everything and more. Texans are no strangers to hard work, so roll up your sleeves!

Relationships can act like machines: if one part of a machine doesn’t work, then the whole thing can break down. So, we’ll look at each and every part of your relationship, talk about what’s wrong, and look at the root of the issue, rather than just the symptoms. Maybe you thought things were totally broken, only to realize you just needed to add some more oil. 

Service for Couples Across DFW | Benbrook, Garland, TCU, and White Settlement

So, as you return to the parts of life you enjoyed most, like biking the Trinity Trail, hanging out at Billy Bob’s, and watching Texas Rangers games, don’t let fun activities distract you from underlying concerns. 

Won’t it be much more fun to spend time at the Stockyards and the Shops at Clearfork when you know your relationship is no longer problematic? 

Working with couples to rebuild healthy Ft. Worth relationships is our goal. We’ll work together over one session, ten sessions, as many as you’d like, to strengthen you and your partner’s love for one another, so that even if you were to be trapped in the same room for years, the result would be pleasant. 

Zully Schultz meets with couples in Fort Worth, Richland Hills, Lake Worth, Haltom City, Hurst, Burleson, Benbrook, and Granbury. Her offices are located on University Drive, just a stone’s throw from TCU. 

The Concept of Non-Attachment: Dealing with Breakups

A couple of years ago I accompanied my husband to a mediation class being held at the Botanic Gardens here in Fort Worth.  While I encourage my clients to practice meditation as a coping strategy, I had little practice myself.  This was the perfect opportunity for me to learn more about what it meant to meditate. 

Aside from meditation practice, a portion of the class was spent on discussing Buddhist teachings and I was very interested to learn the concept of Non-Attachment.  As Buddhist monk, Gen Kelsang Menla, spoke about the downfalls with becoming attached to things or people, it reminded me of the many breakups I hear about in session and the breakups I’ve endured in my past. 

One of the things we focus on in therapy when an individual is going through a breakup, separation, or divorce is making an honest and healthy assessment of the relationship.  When the individual is not the one who made the decision to part ways with their partner, they tend to exhibit more anxiety and seek ways to remain connected.  Their need to salvage the relationship can sometimes get in the way of allowing the hurt partner to view the relationship fairly. They can often feel very overwhelmed with their feelings but reflecting on their relationship can be helpful in moving forward. 

Non-Attachment in a Relationship

What I understood of non-attachment is that it is a way to live more freely, to accept impermanence as reality.  It is not seeking ownership or control of a partner. Non-attachment is about letting go of expectations and detaching (but not in a bad way).  Often, we hear that detaching means to disengage, avoid, or as a way to express lack of love.  But really non-attachment allows you to both engage with another in a more honest way and to express mutual love and respect.  But, sometimes that can also mean letting go altogether of relationships that no longer work. 

The Problems with Too Much Attachment

So, what’s the problem with too much attachment (or any attachment)?  Aren’t we supposed to attach to our partner?  Okay…maybe. But consider the following:

Too much attachment can impede on healthy boundary setting.  When we are too attached to another individual, we are likely to look the other way, loosen our boundaries, and adjust our own values so that we can remain in the relationship.  We are no longer true to ourselves.  

Too much attachment can promote controlling behaviors in us.  Our expectations of what a relationship or partner should be can get the better of us.  If we focus too much on controlling other people or situations, we are likely to feel disappointed or let down.  And inadvertently, our efforts to keep everything under control to maintain the ideal image can have the opposite effect. 

Too much attachment can limit self-growth.  It can lead us to use ineffective and unhealthy behaviors to get our needs met. Instead of building on new skill sets, we continue to use the same tried and true (or so we think) methods.  Instead of moving through life freely, we give up our autonomy and freedom to be controlled by something or someone else. 

Am I Too Attached?  And What Can I Do Now?

Reflect on Your Relationship with Fairness and Honesty.  How much have you had to adjust of your values and beliefs to be in your relationship?  Have they been easy ones to make or have they been challenging?  Are they in any way harmful to you or someone else?  What role did you play to keep this relationship going?  And what fears or concerns do you have with letting it go?  Take time to answer these questions so you can be true to yourself. 

Limit your communication with your breakup partner or ex.  Continuing to keep a connection might feel good now but it does prolong the healing process.  While you might not always be able to cut ties completely, minimizing communication in any way you can will be helpful. 

Take Time to Heal.  Although new relationships can take your mind off your breakup, make this an opportunity to be kind to yourself and realign with your values and beliefs.  Take time to be with yourself before jumping into another relationship so that you and your new relationship can be stronger and healthier. 

As a couple’s therapist, I continue to work with clients on healing from relationship breakups during this pandemic.  Whether a relationship ended because of the strain the pandemic has placed on some couples or maybe it was inevitable, the quarantine and isolation can add an extra obstacle for some individuals trying to get through a breakup.  If you’re struggling to cope with your breakup, you may want to consider therapy as an option. Stay safe!

“Attachment constrains our vision so that we are not able to see things from a wider perspective.” Dalai Lama

Couples Therapy Appointments

Couples Counseling | Fort Worth | Dallas | Arlington

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.” -F.N.

The current situation has created a unique situation for couples across the world, and especially in Texas and Fort Worth. Whether you find yourself spending more time than usual, or less time than usual, with your significant other, you may have found that your relationship has encountered new challenges.

Couples are learning new things about each other across DFW. Couples are suffering from financial hardships. And, changes in work schedules have forced one or both members of couples to seek out difficult solutions to sleep schedule, childcare, and home management.

I’ve assisted hundreds of couples in their journey to heal with each other, and the current times make no difference to my tried and true efforts with men and women across Ft. Worth.

Communication | Marriage Reconciliation | Family Therapy

The biggest misconception when it comes to relationship troubles is that once a problem gets worse, there’s no fixing it. Well I’m happy to tell you that there’s always a path to reconciliation when two people who love each other are willing to put in hard work.

A healthy relationship requires a lot of moving parts, and when we let certain pieces go by the wayside, over the course of weeks, months, or years, relationships can suddenly seem harder to maintain. If a car can’t operate with every single one of its moving parts, how can you expect your relationship to survive more than one problem area?

The trouble is, most couples don’t realize the need for counseling, because they think it’s not for them, or their troubles don’t amount to the need for therapy. It’s too scary of a word.

But, couples shouldn’t be afraid to ask for help, because couples counseling is exactly what the phrase means: advice. I’ve seen so many relationships and marriages that I have a strong hunch where the problems lie. I may direct you to an issue that you didn’t realize was even there, which will produce an even better solution than you could have predicted.

Extenuating Circumstances | Couples Therapy | Ft. Worth, TX

When the whole city seems to have gone dark, and there are no more places to go on dates (like the Stockyards, Billy Bob’s, or Joe T. Garcias), and no parks for a weekend stroll (on the Trinity Trail, Clearfork, or Hulen), couples can get to each other’s throats, feeling like they’re trapped together.

It’s a common thing, you might say! It’s because of what’s going on outside, and once that gets better, the two of us will get better.

But, just because extenuating circumstances have revealed problems in your relationship doesn’t mean that those problems don’t exist when the circumstances change. If problems are getting worse in isolation, it means that activities may be distracting a couple from their underlying issues.

What if another illness were to strike, sending us all back inside? And what if that lasted for a year, rather than a month? Wouldn’t you want to know that your relationship would survive?

Couples Therapy | Appointments Available | FW, TX

Working with couples to rebuild healthy Ft. Worth relationships is what I enjoy most. We’ll work together over one session, ten sessions, as many as you’d like, to strengthen you and your partner’s love for one another, so that even if you were to be trapped in the same room for years, the result would be pleasant.

So whether you’re looking for couples counseling in Fort Worth, Lake Worth, Richland Hills, Hurst, Haltom City, Burleson, Benbrook, or Granbury, I’m here to help. My offices are located on University Drive, just a stone’s throw from TCU. So anyone in the 76107 area is welcome to stop by and set up an appointment any time.

Ways to Manage Anxiety During COVID-19 Pandemic

This year has been absolutely wild!

My family and I were visiting loved ones out-of-state during spring break when coronavirus began to really spread in the U.S.  While I tried to relax and focus on family time, I have to admit I was anxious to get back home.  Being away made me feel helpless and unprepared.  I mean, were we going to have food and toilet paper when we got back??? 

As we made our way home, a great amount of changes started to occur in a short amount of time and we received news in the form of social media, news channels, word of mouth, and emails.  I felt bombarded by all this information that honestly added to my confusion of how to feel and how to think.  I began to recognize my physical sensations - tightness in chest, muscle tension, shallow breathing, etc.  My anxiety began kicking in. 

Many of us are experiencing feelings of anxiousness and uncertainty due to the numerous adjustments that have been made in our attempts to contain COVID-19.  These changes rattle our normal way of living and threaten our autonomy.  However, there are still things we can do to try to gain a sense of control during these crazy times. 

Five ways to cope with our current anxiety:

1.  Establish a consistent routine.  Like so many others, I am losing track of my days.  Is today a weekend or a weekday?  You may not have the same routine but you can find ways to make it more consistent.  Anxiety can come up for us when we sense that things are unpredictable.  And while we don’t know when this situation will return to “normal,” we can structure our schedule in a way that provides comfort and stability. 

2.  Avoid information overload.  Limit your news outlets to avoid feeling more anxious than is necessary.  Different sources can provide confusing, conflicting, and alarming information which can lead to increasing anxiety in us.  Also, too much anxiety can lower your immune system making you more vulnerable to sicknesses.  Which is what we are trying to avoid, right?

3.  Connect with others. So, you can’t meet your friends for coffee or have your family over for dinner.  That’s a real bummer for a lot of us.  Being quarantined can easily make us feel isolated which can play a significant role in our state of mind.  Make good use of the technology we have available – call, text, or video chat with friends and family to keep from feeling lonely and disconnected.    

4.  Allow time for yourself.  You are probably confined in a home with one or more people.  Closeness is great but it’s okay to require alone time too.  Some of us need that individual time to re-energize and clear our minds.  Establish times that you and your family members will spend together and apart.  If you live in a small home, compromise with your loved ones on shared space and consider your outdoor space as an extension of your living area. 

5.  Adjust your perspective.  Change your perception of the situation.  If you see it negatively, you are more likely to experience it negatively.  Look at this as a temporary situation in which you have an opportunity to focus on other avenues in your life.  How might you make this time useful for you?  What projects have you had on the back-burner?  At some point, we will go back to work and school, we will hug and hold our loved ones, and toilet paper will be plentiful again!  But how do you want to look back at this event?  Did you make good use of this time?

In some cases, it is necessary to seek assistance from a mental health professional.  Many therapists and counselors have made the jump to providing services via phone and video chat.  You can receive quality mental healthcare from the comfort of your own home. If you feel your anxiety is overwhelming and finding it difficult to cope, I encourage you to reach out for help.  And remember, we’re all in this together!

Does Therapy Really Work?

Does therapy really work?

This question comes up quite often for me.  And the answer is yes… and no. 

For some people it really works!  Imagine feeling like you’ve tried everything you can think of but you’re still unhappy and struggling to get through your day.  Or, your relationship is still as crappy as it was three months ago.  You get to a point in your life where something has to change, and you know it! 

When I was pregnant with my firstborn and married just a year, I realized I had not dealt with a trauma that had occurred during my teen years, and I felt helpless and lost. The fact that I was about to give life forced me to do something.  I hit the jackpot with my beautiful husband, but as wonderful, caring, and supportive as he was, he wasn’t sure how to help.  And I wasn’t sure what I needed.

I worked in a building that housed many therapists and counselors so I was lucky that I had plenty of choices and not far to go for my appointments.  I confided in one particular therapist, Dr. G, during my lunch break, and he kindly led me to his office for our first session.  I remember feeling anxious but hopeful.  Yet, I was also completely unaware of how therapy worked.  I didn’t know what to expect and I had my reservations about it.  What was he going to ask me?  Was he going to suggest medication?  Did he have all the answers I needed to feel better?  Did he have magical powers???  Please, oh please!

I’ve got to tell you – it felt amazing and scary at the same time!  I told this person some very deep, dark thoughts about my life that I had not shared with anyone else.  Not even my husband.  I broke down in tears as I recalled my events.  I had been holding back for so long and finally I felt a huge sense of relief.  While I had imagined I would feel exposed by revealing so much of myself to Dr. G whom I barely knew, it felt good to purge such heavy feelings.  I didn’t need to feel bad or shame for expressing my truth.  Dr. G expressed understanding and empathized with my situation.  He urged me to make changes but in a way that made me feel supported. 

You see, my upbringing hadn’t provided me with much experience of healthy relationships so I kept a lot to myself, not unlike my mother in her relationships.  I tried for the longest time to deal with my problems on my own.  And so, I struggled in silence.  But now, this new interaction with my therapist allowed me to learn ways to trust and open up.  He challenged me at times and eventually I began to learn new ways to think and feel about my trauma. 

So, did it work for me?  Well, yeah, that’s why I’m a therapist.  When I began going to counseling, I went for one specific reason – to deal with my trauma.  However, I ended up learning so much more about myself, my relationships with others, about my behaviors, about the reasons I did the things I did.  Life really started to make sense to me.  And even after I walked out from my final session, I continued to build on my new awareness and make choices that were healthy for me and my family. 

Of course, this isn’t always the case for everyone.  I believe you have to be open to counseling and ready to make real changes.  But what I’m not saying is that you have to go by my pace or my timeline.  I respect that my clients will work at a rate that is comfortable for them just as my therapist did for me.  I will forever be grateful for my therapist walking with me through my struggles and guiding me to a new future.  I hope for those who struggle as I did that you take a chance and give it a try.  I believe there is always opportunity to make changes in your life but you have to choose to do so.

Relationship Goals to Maintain Long-Lasting Affection

You’ve probably heard the term “relationship goals” being thrown about here and there.  Social media has definitely helped promote this to a new level.  Urban Dictionary defines the term as “A couple with such a perfect relationship that other people aspire to them, the “goal” being to have a relationship like the one that the couple has.   

But what exactly are relationship goals?  While showing affection by hugging, holding hands, kissing, or referring to each other as bae can be something that expresses loving feelings, relationship goals are not necessarily confined to public displays of sweet togetherness. 

Don’t get me wrong, the affection is wonderful and can help you feel connected to your partner.  But, these are the aftereffects of hard work from working the goals.  The real relationship goals help you receive and maintain those strong feelings of affection. 

Here are a few goals to explore to strengthen your relationship: 

Spend quality time together.  Couples are so busy nowadays.  With careers and raising children, it can be difficult to figure out when there is time to be alone together.  Digging deep for your creativity in planning for date night comes in handy here.  But the keyword to keep in mind is QUALITY.  It’s not about how much time is spent but instead how connected you feel to your partner in the amount of time you do get to share. 

Learn how to meet each other’s needs. Funny thing is, we naturally tend to give to our partner’s the way we like to receive. Unfortunately, most couples don’t always line up in this department. “If my partner cared, shouldn’t they just know what to do? This way of thinking will only set you up for disappointment. While some couples get lucky and match each other perfectly, the rest of us have to ask, inform, or share our preferences in order to learn the best ways to meet our partner’s needs. Try taking the Five Love Languages Quiz developed by Gary Chapman to learn yours! 

Create personal goals together.  What are some common goals the two of you share?  Maybe it’s learning a new language, taking a trip to a foreign country, or saving up to buy a home.  Or maybe you’re thinking about starting a family.  It’s good to have some common goals in which each of you plays a role in attaining the goal.  At the same time, it’s great to show support for each partner’s individual goals.  Our desires may not always match up, and that’s okay. One partner may really find it exhilarating to skydive while the other partner thinks “hell no!”  We can’t always join our partners in their journeys, but we can show support from a distance.  And for skydiving, that’s a really, really great distance!

Have fun together.  Work on finding ways to laugh more with each other.  Playfulness is the best tool to keep a relationship fresh and exciting.  Most couples begin with lots of fun and laughter.  However, over time, as they build a life together, things get more serious.  Try remembering how the relationship was early on.  Tap into those activities that brought the two of you joy and closeness.  And if some of those activities do not fit into your lifestyles anymore, find new ones!  Think… if you were planning to ask your partner on a first date, what would that look like?

Work through conflict with respect and kindness.  Conflict is natural and expected in a relationship.  “We never fight,” is bullshit.  Seriously, if you never argue, then there is not enough honesty going on in the relationship.  Getting into arguments with each other can be uncomfortable and distressing, however it’s more about how you choose to communicate with each other during the conflict that matters most.  Take turns in sharing and listening.  Active listening is way more important than talking.  This can help reduce and manage the conflict.

Goals for one couple may not be the same for another.   Each couple is unique and so it is wise to avoid using comparisons to assess one’s relationship.  A big problem that does exist is we get too wrapped up in what social media tells us relationships should look like that we lose the ability to perceive it realistically.  You know what you want from your relationship! So go out and get it!

More Couples Therapy for Your Buck!

February Special

Extended Couples Therapy Session

Valentine’s Day is almost here!  And guess what!  I’m offering a February special for all my couples - new and existing.  My couples have the opportunity of receiving an extended counseling session (1 hr. 20 min.) for the same price of a regular counseling session (50 min.). 

So, what does this do for you?  Well, some couples find that it takes a little bit of time to get to the nitty gritty of their issues.  Just as you seem to be getting somewhere, time is up! Then we have to pick up where we left off the next time around.  An extended session offers you the chance to arrive at the problem without feeling rushed.

Another convenience with longer counseling sessions is the chance to participate in couples’ activities.  A majority of session is typically talk therapy, however, activities and games during session can help couples alleviate tension, increase playfulness, and promote closeness. 

Remember ALL sessions booked as a couple pay only $75 instead of the extended therapy session rate of $120.  This is only good through the month of February. And, since these sessions take more time, appointments are limited. If you are interested in booking an extended couples’ session, please email or call to reserve your spot!